Why aliens won’t talk to us: A marketer’s perspective.

It was BIG news when we received the first supposed message from space. It was a narrow-band signal which, on being decoded, read: Wow!. It was received by the Big Ear radio telescope, and we then sent out many signals screaming, “Ayo! you there? Give us a signal”. But the aliens won’t noddy.

Since that time, aliens have maintained radio silence.

A lot of folks believe that the space pilots found our planet so beautiful that they forgot to turn the metaphoric mic off while uttering the word. Maybe they were turned off by our self-obsession, maybe they’re worried we need them for Instagram selfies, even worse they might be asked to feature in that Kardashian show. Maybe they saw some Dame tu cosita and got offended, so they never got to contact us. Possible?

Or…

  1. They won’t contact us because they can’t understand what we say.

What if their telescopes can’t detect our frequencies? Just like me in my Math class as a kid…

Figure this — we spent some 90 odd light years to get our precious signal to an intelligent species annnd… wait for it…

It bounces off their telescope. Duh!

What if, even if they did get our signal, they don’t speak English?

Understand the language your customer speaks. Use their parlance, develop familiarity.

2. They won’t contact us because we’re not saying the right things.

Imagine you’re an alien. You’re on your fancy graduation trip, jumping wormholes and touring the cosmos like it’s nobody’s business. Would you like to respond to a random message of, “Ayo! You there?” Of course not. You’ll just ignore that backward civilization and travel to a first world planet.

Maybe if you transmit, “Ayo! We have a lot of oil in here”, they’ll notice. Maybe they would tell their George Bush, who knows. (Side note to FBI — I’m just kidding).

Understand what your customer needs. They won’t serve up all the information on a platter, but they do speak. You can gain a lot if you listen and accordingly know the right things to offer or the right way to offer things.

3. They won’t contact us because they don’t trust us.

I’m not saying they might have watched Men in Black. But well, on an off chance, they might like Chris Hemsworth. Who knows?

They know that there’s a highly evolved species out there that can colonize their planet if they reveal themselves. They’re probably smart enough to not respond to a signal, forget about sending one — after all, who could be that dumb?

They would probably want to stick to a known planet which has a proven record.

When new to a market, take the time to learn what your customer gets from your competitors. Building a brand name takes time and effort. But once you have it, it’s easier to keep customers loyal.

4. They won’t contact us because they’re sick and tired of our signals.

I won’t really be surprised if the first message we receive is: “STOP SPAMMING THIS SPACE OTHERWISE YOUR SERVERS WILL BE BLOCKED AND YOU’LL BE BANNED”.

We being us would be all — “Why you do us that way space admin?” (‘Hello darkness my old friend’ plays in the background.)

We can then upload sad Whatsapp statuses and deactivate Facebook hoping that would finally attract some attention.

When your target audience is not responding, it’s safe to assume they have no interest in you currently. Trying a different message/ changing the narrative might help, but over-promotion won’t.

5. They won’t contact us because they came, they saw, they didn’t care.

Yeah, Earth is a beautiful planet and the aliens parried a lot of space junk just to be seen by a high high school kid and reported as a fake UFO spotting. Then they probably went to Hollywood first (as always) and didn’t like Skid Row. So they never cared to say “Hi”.

Had they hovered over Disneyland, they would have probably thought, “Life here is a Disneyland” (quite opposite of what dad said when he saw my Math scores). Maybe that would have encouraged them to contact us to improve their happiness index.

You may attract your target audience to check out your services, but if it’s not packaged well, it won’t sell no matter how much value it adds. People buy books by the cover.

6. They won’t contact us because we’re not listening.

Yeah, we have all our ears facing the sky all the time, so much so that our necks are in danger of getting sprained. But what if the aliens speak on weird frequencies or in the Anfddsls language we don’t understand?

Hey! Hey! Heyyy! We just got something on our brand new weird frequency detector worth $78964B.

Yeaaahhh baby! Pull out the champagne glasses!

BTW, what does it say?

It says “Haumn Bniegs, suht yuor feraknig mutoh up.”

Good luck decoding that.

So you have a website, but when your audience gets there they have no clue where to go? . You have no provision to get their contact information, or any avenue for them to contact you? Good luck staying solvent.

7. They won’t contact us because they don’t exist (or are high on advanced nirvanic pain medication)

Bummer.

Get out of the market already. Your potential customers have done just that, a long time back.

I am Digital Marketing Professional who is passionate about SEO